I am on a mission with my soulmate. We have combined forces, looking in the same direction, focused on a vision that is creating synergy. This is a direct result of the decisions I have made to better my life & live in accordance with what’s infinitely most important to me – My wife, my children, and how my existence matters.
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[We wake up and read this every morning]
To live by choice. Be our natural selves. Uncap our unique value. And empower our children.
We are here in my dad’s house. But we are not thinking about how society thinks we are bums moving back in with our parents.
This is a retreat. A sabbatical. This is a transition period.
We are here, at the Ranch, because… This is a safe place to escape the rat race of always needing money and free ourselves from society’s financial sand traps. We no longer wish to be stuck.
We let go of most of our physical “stuff” and are utilizing our time here as a stepping stone to the freedom we desire financially, emotionally, and physically. We are shifting our mindsets to focus on what is actually most important to us in life. Our family.
We are exponentially grateful for Gary (my dad) to share his space with us and continue to be inspired by other’s sharing their kindness. We want to give more.
We are living by choice. We are living in abundance. We are free.
We are here to PRACTICE, FOCUS, & CONNECT with how it feels to be living and being in the life we want.
Of course I knew that people die, but I hadn’t yet experienced the raw, realness of having someone that I love more than anything there one minute, and gone the next. Forever.
I was a pretty “normal” kid growing up. Lots of friends, activities, family camping trips, etc. Life was good. 8th grade, however, shook my whole world out of place. I was 14 when my mom passed away suddenly. I was blindsided. I had no clue that my life had even the possibility of big change.
Then high school immediately rolled into the picture. The awkwardness, figuring out where you fit in, peer pressure, getting a taste of independence, some of us get into trouble, you know, all that good stuff While all of this was going on, I was slowly disconnecting from my friends and relationships. Things didn’t matter like they used to. Getting good grades and winning volleyball games seemed irrelevant, yet that’s what everyone acted like was important. I could sense those around me feeling sorry for me, but they didn’t know what to say or how to help me. I appeared normal on the surface, but inside I wanted to feel numb. I wanted to shut down. I resorted to partying and drinking to keep my feelings from taking over.
Then came graduation and needing to pick a college and degree. I was scared to leave. Scared to stay. Scared of change. My heart was not in school, I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere – college, a career, a crappy job… and so I drifted for several years.
While finding love in between, and having two amazing little life’s to guide and grow with, it’s been 13 years. 13 years of feeling these feelings, being lost, being in the victim mentality, stuck in “I don’t know” zone. ”I don’t know what I want to do with my life.” And “I don’t know who I am.” I’ve been trying to figure that out for the last decade. I’ve come to realize that all of the things I was looking to provide fulfillment, purpose, and meaning in my life were external, (jobs, degrees, careers, etc.) What I am really missing is from within, an internal need that’s been waiting to be filled since the very day my mom passed away. When I lost my mom, I lost myself. I am missing me. And the belief in me.
About 4 years ago, Luke and I started on this journey of reaching inside, learning about ourselves. From this, I believe that I have the power to choose how I want to live, yet I have not made the choice yet. I know that if I stay in the “I don’t know” mode I will continue to stay stuck, in neutral, continuing to feel the hurt that I feel, still on the search for that external feeling of hope that I haven’t found to exist. But it has become apart of my comfort zone and that mindset is automatic to me. When I get that feeling of having to talk about what I want to do with my life my mind reverts back to “I don’t know.” But it’s time for that to change and through the awareness I now have, I know I must reframe and train my thoughts, and simply (yes, I said simply) believe in myself. Instead of “I don’t know” – ”I do know”. Instead of “I don’t know who I am” – “I believe in myself.” And connect to the inspiration that is within me. This is my life, and yes, crazy shit happens, but I still get to decide how it affects me.
So by deciding this (and writing this) I’m making the conscious choice to live from an empowered place. Instead of staying stuck in this cycle, I’m committing to moving forward - this is my past and it doesn’t equal my future. I know that the only one that can change my outlook is me. I want to be inspiring. I am inspiring. For myself, my husband, my kids. I will be practicing this everyday, reminding myself that I do know and I believe in myself. I don’t have it all figured out, but I do know that I’m moving forward in life.